By Rev. Fr. Jose Daniel Paitel, Malankara World Board Member

Our Church is blessed to have a great number of energetic children attend our church services and in our Sunday School classes. We have student's forum, youth forum, men's forum and women's forum. But are we satisfied with the direction of the future generation of our church? Do you think our church will have a reasonable number of second and third generation members from our current congregations after we have completed four decades of immigration? IF NOT WHY?

Our youth are facing an uncertain future. Very few of them are achieving their academic goals. Very few get their dream job. Many find a big gap between their goals, dreams (ambition), and achievements. They are losing something valuable their journey between their adolescent lives to adult career. I see a drain in the motivation levels of our future citizens. This may be due to a lack of a godfather/mentor who will guide them to their future goal. It may be also from the missing link of a big brother. They may be immature and not quite ready to face the world although they are physically mature by world standards. Stressed from the compromises from a multicultural environment, our future generation is being challenged. Wealth, Church, Culture, Civilization, Circumstances and Criticism are the contradicting factors in their lives. How can we help them to build an orbit that they can navigate without breaking the law and seek what they wish?

Our grandparents had a very good eye to see what was good for the market and what was a great seed. When they were wandering through their farm area, they would hand-pick some of the new little plants grown from a seed left over by a bird or from a fallen fruit. They would replant it in a suitable spot where the plant can grow healthy and fruitfully. Each tree or plant in our property has its own story to tell. Those plants and trees were nurtured by someone who knew the strength and value of the seedlings. Our forefathers were not educated by today's standards. But they acquired real life experience and wisdom from their experience every day. They learned from their sufferings, failures and hardships. That was their academy. Their experience was their teacher. They are our parents; they are our grandparents. They made us grow; wished us to grow and helped us to grow. They sacrificed themselves for our growth.

Our religion was the strength of our past generations. Our power station was our prayer habit. There were a timely prayer and bible reading and meal time together in our families. Still those are the sweetest childhood days we cannot forget or those we remember forever. Parents listen to their children read aloud and correct their mistakes. We practiced our reading by reading the family bible. Bible reading is a practice our parents have taught us. They listened to how their children read. So we read as they read.

We heard some stories foretold time immemorial from our grandparents. Those stories encouraged the development of our moral values. Our children saw how we respected our parents and grandparents. We were not able to start anything without their consent and permission. We respected their blessings. This provided the foundation for our lives.

Now our American born, culturally disturbed generation is wandering in their real life. They are frightened. Few lucky ones get admission in good schools until their high school life. After the high school graduation, things changes dramatically semester after semester. They face unending race with student loans. Their dreams of future face realties and cultural shocks. Peer pressure, girlfriends, part time jobs, leisurely life, future career choices – all these makes their life miserable.

Do they need an outside help from their parents and from the church itself? Can we help them? Do we have an infrastructure sufficient to help those young victims of our Holy Church? We are using the same old broken strategy of the churches in western countries. They already proved that they are not able to survive. They have no possibility to survive in the next decade. Young Protestants are abandoning their churches and turning to their own style of worship of satisfaction.

We need to do some initial homework for our young generation. Let us start it right from the family itself. Educate our young couples to nurture their infants to be prepared for their childhood and to grow religiously in their adolescence. Our church needs an independent frame-work specially designed for our young generation. The main focus of it should be on our church history, faith, and order of our church. Respect about our church should be nourished in the minds of our teens. Devoted Saints of our holy Church should be promoted as role model of our younger generation. Brides coming to our family should be taught about the faith and practices of our church. The bridegrooms of our church also should be well trained before their wedding. Congregational atmosphere should be refashioned in its totality.

Our church does not spend any resources on the research and development for the future. We do not have a strategic plan for the future. What should be our vision? What should be our goals? What should we do to meet those goals? There should be a program to cater to the aspiring youngsters. Only idea we can offer them at present is priesthood. That is not enough.

Our church must avoid imitating or borrowing the programs from mushrooming new generation evangelical missions and self-made television congregations. Well-orchestrated Christian music is an attraction to everybody. Using Rap-pop style Christian music in radio and television evangelism and in congregation worship will be an added attraction for the younger youth. This is a sneaky way to attract the audience.

We should realize that their evangelism is a tricky mask for their satanic instinct. They encourage youngsters to reject the traditional way of biblical and Christian life. They spread contaminated psychological crookedness through their messages and pop style music and worship, to attract the new generation to their dangerous web. They encourage everything God Almighty prohibited by His commandments. Women priests, Gay marriage, Co- habitation, Policy of delayed marriage, delayed child birth, parenting without marriage, divorce and single parent family environments, etc. are tempting our younger generation. Christians without a baptism, even a bible or a prayer habit, could be seen everywhere. This is the beginning of a godless society, a dangerous weapon of Satan. Allowing the spread of such an ideology would be suicidal.

By Shila Mathew, MD., DABPN, DABMA, Staff Psychiatrist, Healthspan Physicians and Malankara World Board Member
Dr. Jacob Mathew, Ph D., MBA, Chief Editor, Malankara World
St. Basil's Syriac Orthodox Church, Cleveland, Ohio

In a companion article titled, 'Our Youth - Desperate and Depressed', Rev Fr. Jose Daniel Paitel described in detail the problems facing our youth. Achen described the frustrations faced by youth and their parents when their high hopes and expectations are not met. He analyzed family issues stemming from 'Nuclear Family Syndrome' and the associated communication issues. Quoting achen:

"Our youth are facing an uncertain future. Only a small percentage of them could achieve their academic goals. Very few land on their dream career. There is a big gap between their desired goal & ambition and their actual achievement of the same. They are losing something precious on their way from their adolescent lives to their adult career. They also experience a drain in their motivation. They get distracted from their regular prayer habits and church attendance, something they were practicing in their childhood days…"

This is a complicated issue and cannot be fully covered in a short article. But it is an issue faced by many of our first generation parents and their children. In this article we hope to look at this issue from a professional psychiatrist and mother's perspective as well as provide possible solutions from the Orthodox Spirituality.

Underlying Cultural and Social Issues

We (the first generation immigrants) came from a culture very different than what is prevalent in the US at this time.

We (first generation Keralites in the US) were all born in India and brought up with Indian traditions. We were told what to do by our parents and extended family and we followed them without questioning. Resources were very limited but we learned to adapt to the scarce resources. Information was not easily available. Most of it was obtained by word of mouth. We depended on our parents and elders to provide us their guidance based on their firsthand experience.

We want to raise our children as we were raised. We cannot understand why our children are resisting.

Our children, on the other hand, are born and exposed to the US culture, not India's. They are caught in the middle. They have to meet their parent's expectations (at least we parents hope so!) and at the same time, they have to fit into their school, their circle of friends, community and the American culture.

When the children are in school (up to high school), parents have good control over them. They know when their children go to school and when they come home from school. They get reports from the school about their children's performance/grades; the school will inform parents if your child does not show up in school or if they are in trouble.

Unfortunately, this control "evaporates" when your children leave home to go to college or when they turn 18 (when legally they can make their own decisions).

Many children get into trouble when they leave home for college.

There are several reasons for this:

The youth suddenly find themselves with more freedom.

• More freedom to express themselves and their views
• More freedom to experiment on new things – something they could not do when they were living at home. Unfortunately, when they experiment they may not know the dangers ahead.

Many youth have "issues" when they go to college.

• They have to learn to be independent.
• They have to fit into the crowd – or find their niche.
• Some kids may go to the extent of using drugs, alcohol and other immoral activities like premarital sex, etc.

These children do these activities in secret as they know that their parents will not approve of them. Parents want to protect their children from these dangers; but they find themselves helpless.

The result is frustration and friction between the parents and their children.

Is There a Solution?

Yes, there is. But the key lies with the parents and not with the youth.

We (parents) need to adapt. We need to teach our children our values, ethics, morality and spirituality when they are with us. We need to practice what we preach. Children observe and learn from their parents. We have to develop an effective communication system with our children. Our children should feel free to come to us when they face problems, without being afraid. We, parents, need to realize that parenting is an important responsibility that we cannot do alone. We need God's help. We need to pray for our children and instill in them the need for daily prayers and asking God for help when they need it. Jesus said,

"This kind (bad things brought on by Satan) does not go out except by prayer and fasting."
– Matthew 17:21

The best defense against Satan is fasting and prayer. It brings down the power of Satan against us and brings divine power to our assistance. Fasting supercharges prayer. It adds humility, a necessary ingredient in prayer. Fasting prepares our body to serve the soul in prayer.

Prayer, fasting and communication are the most important tools parents have at their disposal. We should teach and encourage our children to use these tools in their lives too.

What can Parents do?

As parents we have to find a happy medium. We have to know and accept that this is a different country and, as such, that this is a new culture. As long as we are raising our children here, we will face some "risks" and we have to make some adjustments.

We have to be flexible.

Most of the parents we know, including ourselves, are not very flexible; we hope that our children will grow up like we grew up.

We can do a few things to keep our children in the right track without being intrusive:

• When our children go to college, have regular contact with them.
• Check up on them. Are they falling behind?
• Get strength from the power of faith and from the Bible.
• Be open
• If your children want to experiment, we cannot always prevent them from doing so; at some time in their lives, they will do it. We would rather have them do it when we can help them face the consequences.

Communication:

This is very important. Parents have to maintain good communication with their children from an early age.

The problem is that in most families, both parents work. Some have more than a full day's work (in many cases 10-12 hour shifts.) They come home very tired and they want to go to bed. Some people work multiple shifts and hardly see their children. The parents feel that they are working hard to make a better life for their children – something they didn't have when they were growing up. But the children find themselves neglected and having no one to talk to about the issues facing them. In this scenario, the children will be talking to their friends. They learn their value systems, ethics, morality and spirituality from their friends and not from their parents. No wonder there is a disconnect between the parents and children.

We realize that many of our families need two incomes to meet their obligations. Many have commitments to take care of their extended family in India in addition to taking care of their family in the US. Plus, they need the big house and luxury cars to "keep up with the Jones!" We have to align our priorities. We need to understand the difference between "nice to have" vs. "must have" things in our life. The needs of our children must come before our self-gratification.

Make sure that you have at least 10 minutes set aside every day to talk to your children. Ask them what happened in school that day. Are there any problems that they want to discuss with you? Anything that bothers them? You can do this while having dinner together as a family. You can also do that before or after the family prayer. Remember, the family that prays together, stays together.

What Bible Teaches Us About Raising Children

The Bible has plenty of advice on how to raise our children. We learn from Jesus the relationship between the father and son (or daughter). The Holy Trinity is modeled after the ideal family where the members are joined together in unconditional love. The Bible also teaches us that each member of the family has a unique role to play in the family. Proverb 31 describes an ideal woman. Titus 2 and Ephesians Chapters 5 and 6 describe the role of husband, wife and children in the family. Christ must be the head of the family. When each member of the family does what he/she is commanded to do, then peace and harmony will reign in the home.

Mother Teresa once gave a speech about her work with the sick, dying and orphaned individuals in India. Afterwards, a member of the audience, inspired by the Mother's work and wanting to help her mission, asked, "you have done so much to make the world a better place. What can we do?" Mother Teresa smiled and simply replied, "Love your children."

Not pleased with the answer provided by Mother Teresa, the questioner stood up again to speak when Mother Teresa raised her hand and said, "There are other things you can do, but that is the best. Love your children. Love your children as much as you can. That is the best."

That is great advice. The first thing the parents have to know and practice is Godly love – unconditional love. This love enables the parents to love each other and love their children even when they do something that is not approved by the parents. We should remember that Jesus taught that God gives us second chances. God forgives us like the father of the prodigal son. So, when we have a prodigal child, we should be praying constantly for the return of the prodigal and for his/her repentance. Love conquers everything. Jesus Christ loved us so much that he died for us on the cross. We should be willing to do the same for our children with an abundance of love. Children can be won over by love; not by material things. Love is eternal.

"Hug your kids every chance you get. Tell them you love them every chance you get. You don't know when it's going to be the last time." Tony Dungy

"Good parenting is dependent upon your passion to be a good parent," says Stan Coffey. "You are going to face issues in parenting because we live in a complex world where our children will face difficult problems. There are going to be many temptations and frustrations as a parent. There are also going to be a lot of temptations for children to disobey their parents and what their parents have taught them. It is the parents' role to educate, instruct, and prepare their children so that their children learn to honor God in everything they do."

Parents must have the faith in knowing that God has a plan for every child. Parents cannot prevent their children from seeing wrong things, hearing wrong things, and being around wrong things, but they can teach them what is right and what is wrong. We must teach our children about our values, tradition, faith, spirituality, ethics, etc. before they turn 18 or before they leave home for college.

Parents also must teach their children about God. They should encourage them to have a personal relationship with God. They should know the importance of communicating with God daily through prayer. Our children must know that when they are facing problems, they should pray to God and God always answers prayers. God provides a shoulder to lean on when we need His support.

Just like Jesus was the model for His disciples, we should be the model to our children – someone they can emulate. Children learn from us – both good and bad. For example:

If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.

If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty

On the other hand, the children will learn positive qualities from us too! For example:

If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.

If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.

If children live with fairness,
They learn justice.

If children live with security,
They learn to have faith.

If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship,
They learn to find love in the world.

This is a valuable lesson for our kids. Fr. Tommy Lane suggested that children learn interpersonal relations and teamwork from their parents. They must learn to solve problems without inciting quarrels. These skills are very important in their adult life.

For example:

If we encourage people,
we will boost their confidence.

If we praise people,
they will be more appreciative.

If we treat people fairly,
they will experience justice.

If we approve of people,
they will not feel inferior.

If we accept people and are friendly with them,
they will be loving.

Importance of Prayer

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn't rain, and it didn't - not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.
(James 5:16)

One of the most important responsibilities of Christian parents is to educate our children about prayer.

Show your children the importance and benefits of prayer and partaking in Holy Sacraments regularly. Once that becomes a habit, children will keep it up even after they leave home for college or for work. More importantly, they will teach their kids what they learned from us.

Prayer is the most important tool we have in our arsenal. Jesus Christ promised us:

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it"
- John 14:14 (NIV).

Pray for our children.

The key to prayer, however, is humility. When we make a request in Jesus' name, we are saying we value His wisdom over our own selfish motives. We are recognizing our need for God and choosing to submit our will to His.

In spite of the best we can do, it is possible that we may experience disrespectful, disobedient or rebellious behavior from our children. This does not mean that we failed. Jesus had 12 disciples who followed him everywhere, witnessed his miracles and heard his discourses and parables. Even then, one of them betrayed him. If that can happen to Jesus, it can happen to us. When we are disappointed about the behavior of our children, our natural reaction may be to get angry. But it is better to be patient with our children than be angry. Listen carefully to what our children are saying, being careful to react without getting angry.

"This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."
 -James 1:19-20

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
- Ephesians 6:4

Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks in the world. This is because, in most instances in life, if we fail, we can start over again. For example, if you fail at business, you can start your business over and succeed. If you fail in a class in school or college, you can take that course over and pass it. But when you are raising children, there's no ability to rewind and start over. You have just one opportunity to succeed or fail; one strike and you are out. You have just one opportunity to successfully parent the precious children God has given you.

With God's help, we can do our part in raising mature Christian children who experience the peace promised by Jesus. ("Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." - John 14:27) Let them grow up filled with the humility of St. Mary and be comforted by the intercession of our saints. With Jesus on our side, who will be against us?

by Dr. Jacob Mathew, Chief Editor, Malankara World
St. Basil's Syriac Orthodox Church, Cleveland, Ohio

On a casual reading, the article ' Raising Our Future Generation - Narrowing the Gap Between Expectations and Outcomes', looks like another spiritual article from the church. But it was not intended that way. It turned out that the best answer came from prayer and spirituality; but we did not seek the answer that way. I like to explain the methodology used and how we came to the conclusion we arrived at.

First, the future of the youth in our church is very dear to us, as well as to all the parents, priests, and our archbishop. We all know that the future of our church depends on the success of our family and the youth. Jose Daniel Paitel achen and Kadavil Coepiscopa achen were two proponents of pushing some action to help the family.

We had started Malankara World and later the weekly Malankara World Journal precisely to help our families cope the issues faced in day to day life. We were pushing the church to do its share in supporting the family like Catholic Church and other protestant churches are doing.

So, when we were invited to contribute an article to Malankara Deepam issue to be released in July 2015, we wanted to take that opportunity to highlight the singular issue facing our families; viz., the plight of the youth. Rev. Fr. Jose Daniel Paitel submitted an article to Malankara World about the plight of the youth. It described in detail about what achen felt were the issues facing the youth. I held up publication of it hoping to write a companion article on some solutions the family can use. The need to write an article for Malankara Deepam provided the inspiration to write the companion article and publish both of them together - problems as well as solutions.

I sought out help from my wife, Dr. Shila Mathew, a Board certified Psychiatrist, practicing in the US for the past 32 years. Shila has cared for hundreds of Indian families and their children. She has an understanding of the cultural issues facing the children as well as the views of the parents, that often act as a deterrent rather than help in solving the children's problems.

Before I started this journey, I was of the opinion that the children are the problem and the parents are the victims. After all, we all came up the same path. We came out pretty good in our life and career. We took the advise of our extended family as to what career to choose, where to study and later, whom to marry etc. We came out OK. Why can't our children follow this proven track?

Interestingly, Shila had an entirely different opinion based on her experience in working with thousands of families from different countries, different demographics, different financial situations, etc. Her short answer was that parents are the cause of the problems and the solutions should begin with them, not with the children.

Frankly, I was surprised. But my bias did not prevent me from doing an objective study of the situation. I had interviewed Shila for about 20 hours total, most of it when we were driving from Cleveland, OH to Austin, TX (about 1300 miles), Cleveland to Louisville, KY (about 340 miles); and several trips from Cleveland to Columbus, OH (175 miles) and Cleveland to Detroit (200 miles). The interviews were recorded on digital recorder. We went over, in depth, about the problems facing the children in a multicultural set up like in the US, the problems facing the first generation immigrant parents, issues of alcohol and substance abuse, etc. etc. I also talked to a niece of mine who spent considerable amount of time in Gulf countries and in Kerala to get an idea about the youth perspective. Then I talked to several parents who had reared successful children to learn about their experience and wisdom.

This data was digitized and analyzed. It was quite clear that the answer lies with the parents rather than the children. Yes, children plays a role; but the viable solution lies with the parents than with the children. Children are children after all with their inquisitiveness and trying new things etc. Parents have to inject into them a strong sense of right and wrong, ethics and spirituality. Children who were brought up in aristocratic families will behave differently from those brought up in a "fish market" culture. Psychological studies have proved that. We see that all the time. Of course, all the children brought up in a home under the same condition will not be the same. There will be individual differences; but the macro trends will be the same.

Bible Study: Old Testament Lessons

The missing link was to seek answers outside the usual channels we normally rely on. In this case, it was the Bible and spirituality. We analyzed the whole bible, old testament and the new testament to discover how some of the famous heroes of the bible were reared. We see Isaac who was guided strongly by Abraham in his faith, even to the extent of picking a wife for him. Then we see Jacob vs Esau. Jacob was guided by his mother Rebecca. Moses, although he was brought up by Pharoh's daughter, had all the values instilled on him by his natural mother Jochebed, who taught him the principles of Holiness (Ex 2) and later by his father-in-law. David learned humility in his early childhood. Samuel was brought up by his Godly mother Hanna in early childhood and later in the temple by Eli (1 Sam 1).

We also see a few bad elements in the bible. We see the two wayward children by Aaron (Nadab and Abihu - Lev 10), because he had no time to pay attention to what they were doing as he was too busy. We see the two wicked sons of Eli (Hophni and Phinehas - 1Sam 2-4) and the God punishing the father for the wicked things the children were doing. (Accountability). Then we have the example of the wicked queen Jezebel (1Kings 19) and the hen pecked king Ahab. God had punished them severely for their misdeeds by punishing his family so that his sons will not have any descendants.

It is clear from these and other Old Testament stories that the actions and deeds of parents can affect the children and their generations. Similarly, the acts of the children can bring God's wrath and punishment to parents too.

Lesson: Children are a gift from God; parents are picked by God to raise their children properly.

Holy Family

Then we come to the model family in the bible; viz., the holy family. St. Mary, Theotokos, showed the ultimate humility and surrender to God when Angel Gabriel brings her the annunciation. She takes care of raising her son, protecting him when he needed their protection like when he needed their help from Herod by escaping to Egypt. At the same time, she left Jesus to do "his father's business" without questioning. She stayed in the background at the wedding of Cana after informing Jesus that they ran out of wine and Jesus telling her, "my time hasn't come yet."

Mary could have insisted that He help them; but she simply instructed the servants to do whatever he asks them to do. And Jesus delivered without feeling pressured.

During Jesus' time in the desert and later in the public ministry, Mary kept track of what He was doing; sent him food, clothing and supplies through others; visited him few times without being intrusive. Then, when Jesus needed her the most, Mary was there. She was present at His trial by the Roman Governor Pilate. She accompanied Him to Calvary; stood at the foot of the cross till his death. She cared for his body after it was lowered from the cross and accompanied his body to the funeral.

After Jesus' resurrection, Mary provided key support to the apostles; she was there on the day of pentecost to receive the Holy Spirit. She was cared for by John, the disciple Jesus entrusted to care for his mother when he was on the cross. She has assisted Luke in writing many of the infant narratives of Jesus in his Gospel.

Mary's life was full of humility and surrender to God. As a result, she was rewarded the highest position that can be accorded to a human being - being the Theotokos, Mother of God. If a mother need help in rearing her child, look at what St. Mary did.

Joseph, The Ideal Father

Jesus, not only had an ideal mother, he also had an ideal human father as a caretaker in Joseph.

Quoting Chris and Michelle Groff from their devotional 'Parenting by Design:'

"Great family leaders possess an inner strength and faith that allows them to be patient and calm. Joseph was such a leader. On three separate occasions, he obeyed the instructions of the angel of the Lord even though his obedience came at a great personal and financial cost. In the face of frightening circumstances, Joseph's actions do not seem to be driven by panic and fear. Instead, he conducted himself in a way that reflected his deep and convicting faith in God.

When we have faith in God, circumstances will no longer dictate our peace and contentment. We are able to be patient and wait on God's timing instead of forcing our own agenda.

If you often find yourself overwhelmed and frightened as you lead your family, consider where you are putting your trust. Few of us will be challenged to obey in as dramatic a fashion as Joseph, but we can let his faithful example inspire us to lead our families in calmness and faith."

Jesus Christ

Then we come to Jesus. We see the relationship Jesus had with his heavenly father. Irrespective of how busy he had been that day or he was in the middle of a multitude, Jesus took personal time off to go to a place along to have the "time with his father." He prayed and meditated. He told his father his concerns and worries. The best example is the prayer at the Garden of Gethsemane in Mount of Olives on the eve of Jesus' Passion. Jesus was extremely troubled. St. Luke said that his sweat came as blood due to his stress. Jesus prayed,

"Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done." (Luke 22:39-46, Matthew 26:36-46; Mark 14:32-42)

That is the perfect submission!

Jesus also showed how to pray for our children. Knowing He would soon be leaving the disciples, Jesus prayed for them before His crucifixion.

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one" - John 17:15

Jesus' prayer demonstrated His confidence in the character and power of God to guard his disciples. It is a great model to follow in praying for our children! We live in a hostile world greatly influenced by Satan and our tendency can be to hold on to our kids too tightly. Instead of helping them become independent of us and dependent on God, our fears may cause us to make parenting decisions that foster reliance on us.

Instead, Jesus tells us to slowly relinquish our control on our children by letting go a little bit each day. We can do this by giving them age-appropriate responsibilities and by allowing them to experience the consequences of their choices. It is an act of faith to trust this process to God's plan and protection rather than giving in to fear-driven control. It is a situation, we trust God to protect our children!

Jesus also demonstrated via the famous 'Parable of the Prodigal Son' what we should do if one of our children become 'prodigal'. The father never loses hope and do not hold any grudge; he is patiently waiting for the return of his prodigal son. But he is praying daily for the protection of his son as well as for his eventual repentance and return. Notice that the father does not go after the son. He waits at home. The children, sometimes, want to experiment and experience; we need to stay in the background when this happens, praying for our children.

St. Paul's Epistles on The Family

St. Paul's Epistles provide clear guidelines of the roles and responsibilities of each member of the family. Ephesians 5:20-6:3 is read during the sacrament of marriage that clearly states the role of husband and wife in the family. Titus Chapter 2 and Ephesians Chapters 5 - 6 clearly spells out the responsibility of each members of the family and the need to keep "clean."

Final Analysis

After analyzing all the data from interviews and biblical research, it was quite clear that the best friend the parents have is Jesus and the best tool they have is prayer. Parents should surrender to God, learn to love the children with unconditional love like Jesus taught us and leave everything else to God.

This was not the answer we sought initially when we embarked on this project. But after we came to this conclusion, we are convinced that this is the best answer; something so simple that we overlooked it. Reminds me of the Malayalam song,

"eeswarane thedi njan valanju
kadalukal kadannu ...

(I went all over the world in search of God..)

You do not have to cross the seas to find God. He is just beside you, sharing his happiness with you like the father who got his prodigal son back; crying like Jesus did when he went to Bethany at the tomb of Lazar. Yes, parenthood is difficult; but it is the most important and rewarding job assigned to you by God. But we do not have to do this alone. We have God beside us to help, to provide a shoulder to lean on when we are frustrated or fatigued. Seek His help; don't do this alone.

Bible gives us the example of a parent who just wont take 'no' for an answer when it comes to her daughter who was sick. I am talking of the Canaanite woman (Matthew 15).

The Canaanite woman was just like most of the good parents we find: stubborn, persistent, dogged. Like an eagle protecting its brood under her wing, this mom wasn't about to give an inch as she pleaded with Jesus on behalf of her child. Jesus liked that persistence (in prayer), and said to her, "Dear woman, your faith is great. Your request is granted (Matthew 15:28).

No matter what you are going through, never give up. No matter how much your child rebels, never give up. If you are waiting for your prodigal to come home, keep waiting and never give up. God loves a persevering parent.

The Spiritually Healthy Parent

Dr. Michelle Anthony, in her book, 'Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family' described six dysfunctional parenting styles we should avoid in raising our children. She recommends a parental style called 'The Spiritually Healthy Parent'. In this model, the parents are never alone. They live in harmony with God, pursuing his kingdom while living on his script. This is a parent who walks each day, step by step, with God as his or her guide like Enoch. The book of Genesis says:

After he begot Methuselah, Enoch walked with God three hundred years, and had sons and daughters. - Genesis 5:22

A spiritually healthy family will allow God to call the shots for you and your family members and that you look to God to give you wisdom instead of relying on your own strength and "great ideas." Because you realize you are a work in progress yourself, you offer your children grace when needed, while helping them see the correct path that God desires all his children to follow.

These are the mantras for a spiritually healthy parent:

• "I recognize that my child has been entrusted to me by God and that I need his guidance to raise him/her."
• "I know I live in a sinful world, but I will seek to put God's character on display in my home in everyday situations."
• "I know there is a higher calling as a parent than controlling my child's behavior - and that is forming his faith."
• "I seek to grow spiritually myself, knowing that the overflow of this will have a positive impact on my child."

Children raised by the Spiritually Healthy parents often grow up knowing God, loving others, living a life of meaning, and recognizing that this world is not their ultimate home.

The benefit of the joint family system (as we see in India) is that there is a higher likelihood that the children will encounter someone who is closer to the Spiritually Healthy Parent compared to those who were brought up in a nuclear family (as we see in USA).

I was fortunate in having a grandmother who was an epitome of faith and prayer. When her sister and brother-in-law visited us, I can never forget the prayers. Appachen spread and raised his hands, looking upwards while praying the Lord's Prayer. Ammachy will be hitting her chest while praying probably like the Tax Man who came to the synagogue who could not look to heaven as he felt unworthy due to his sins. This was the best example of prayer of a sinner/repentance prayer I had seen in my life. I personally feel that I inherited part of the blessing from their prayers. That is something we miss in the nuclear family we have here in the US. It also means that, as parents, we have to do more. We have to make sure that our children will be exposed to the spiritual practices we have experienced from our extended family in India.

by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?" Isaiah 49:15

From the beginning of life, children need their mothers like they need no one else. A baby in the womb depends on his mother for the nutrients that help him develop. After birth, the quality of bonding between mother and child can have lifelong implications. For example, a Harvard University study found that 91 percent of men who did not enjoy a close relationship with their mothers in their early years developed coronary artery disease, hypertension, ulcers, and alcoholism by midlife; only 45 percent of men who recalled maternal warmth and closeness had similar illnesses.

This is only one of the countless reasons why we encourage you to care for your baby yourself and avoid day-care facilities unless there is no reasonable alternative. Research on this subject consistently supports this recommendation. If you are a single mom, you may have no choice. Do the best you can, and don't feel guilty! Yet if your financial situation requires you to work, ask yourself: Could I cut back on my hours? Could I work from home? Are there other ways to spend more time with my child?

Every precious newborn needs five things to thrive: touch, connection, permanence, nurturance, and reassurance. By God's design, no one is better qualified to provide those conditions than mom.

Before you say good night…

• Are you giving your kids consistent, loving attention?
• Are you seeking God's will on how to raise your kids?
• What can you do to make more time for the children?

Prayer:

by Chriss and Michelle Groff

Prov 3:12: For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights (NASU).

As hard as it is to deliver a consequence to a child for a bad choice, the alternative can often be even worse. When I am tempted to forego discipline, I have to ask myself, "What is the most loving thing I can do for my child?" In almost every case, the answer is to give the child the consequence he has earned, so he can learn the lesson God has designed for him. A good consequence, delivered with empathy, demonstrates love and respect for your child's freedom to choose and his ability to learn from the consequence of a bad decision. The author of Hebrews says it well, "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness," (Heb 12:11 NASU).

Delivering consequences with empathy is an act of love.

by Dr. James Dobson, Family Talk

I have written dozens of books in the past 40 years, but Your Legacy is, I believe, the most significant. It provides the framework for all that has gone before. This work emphasizes the legacy (in contrast to a heritage) we as parents can pass on to our progeny. A legacy is something of value built INTO someone. It consists of character, integrity, honesty, love, tenderness, self worth, generosity, commitment, truth, compassion, and a reliable work ethic. Legacy is far more important than heritage, because it focuses not on what a person owns, but who he or she IS. That's why the subtitle to my book refers to legacy as "The Greatest Gift." By far, the most valuable contribution we can provide for our children is an unshakable relationship with Jesus Christ. Coming with it is a promise of eternal life.

Let's consider the Scriptures that speak to the issue of the spiritual training of children. The first and most explicit instruction is addressed to parents and is found in the Book of Deuteronomy. It leaves no wiggle room. This passage is a transcript of the final speech given by Moses to the Children of Israel, after he had led them out of Egypt and through 40 years of wandering in the Wilderness. Only two of them, Caleb and Joshua, would live to enter the Promised Land. The rest would soon die because of their rebellion against Moses and Jehovah.

There were millions of Israelites by that time, and their descendants would soon cross the Jordan River and take possession of the Promised Land. Thus, what we read in the first few chapters of Deuteronomy are the final directions given to those who would fight for and inherit the land promised to Abraham's descendants. It was an historic moment, and every word was given by inspiration to Moses.

It is significant that the first portion of that speech, quoted in verse 39, was addressed to parents about their children. Moses said, "[they] do not yet know good from bad." That makes my case, doesn't it? Then Moses spoke to the people. Here is his unmistakable message, which echoes down through the ages:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
- Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Notice that Moses wasn't simply offering a "suggestion" to parents about the spiritual training of their children. He called that assignment a commandment, and there was urgency in his words. It is not enough to mutter, "Now I lay me down to sleep" with your exhausted child at the end of the day. Spiritual teachings are to be on our minds and in our conversations throughout every waking moment. We should look for opportunities to talk about Jesus and His tender mercies often. By the time your sons and daughters are grown, they should have no doubt about the fundamentals of the faith.

There is another rarely quoted Scripture that tells us how God feels about the family. It is written in Malachi 2:15, and states emphatically why the institution of marriage came into existence in the first place.

"Has not the Lord made [men and women] one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth."

The institution of marriage was created not for our purposes, but for the Lord's. And why? Because He wanted us to raise our children to be brought up to serve Him. How can we ignore this divine plan?

There are many other Scriptures that emphasize the same instruction. Perhaps the most important is from Psalm 78, which states precisely what God wants parents to do regarding the training of their children. These verses were intended not only for the Children of Israel, but for you and me. This is our assignment. Read this passage very carefully:

Oh, my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things from old - what we have heard and known, what our Father has told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, His power and the wonders He has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which He commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. They would put their trust in God and not forget His deeds but would keep His commands.
- Psalm 78:4-7

Then we see reference to an extrapolation of the word "commandments" again. Other Scriptures that speak to the spiritual training of children are:

One generation will commend Your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts.
(Psalm 145:4)

Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
(Psalm 34:11)

The living, the living - they praise You, as I am doing todayhttp://www.MalankaraWorld.com/Newsletterhers tell their children about Your faithfulness.
(Isaiah 38:19)

Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation.
(Joel 1:3)

God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' Say to the Israelites, 'The Lord, the God of your fathers - the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob - has sent me to you' This is My name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation."
(Exodus 3:14-15)

These Scriptures are "marching orders" for people of faith. Again, they are addressed specifically to parents, and all of us can understand them. No other commandment in the entire scope of Scripture speaks so emphatically to the responsibility of raising children. That assignment can be summarized by one verse written by the Apostle Paul in the Book of Ephesians. It says simply, "Bring [boys and girls] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

We live in perilous times. The Bible teaches us that believers will see rampant evil and disregard or even disdain for God as the last days approach. In the past, others have also thought they were living in the last days. We do not know the day or the hour, but we are exhorted to be prepared and to boldly affirm the truth of Jesus Christ. In large part, that involves reaching out to share the gospel.

Perhaps you feel inadequate to give voice to your faith. In the book of Exodus, Moses also expressed his doubts that he could accomplish the tasks God asked him to do. He even volunteered his brother to do the job and said, "Here I am, send my brother, Aaron." Yet, God used Moses to bring His people out of bondage in Egypt. Moses had a strong passion to obey the Lord and to take the Israelites to the Promised Land. He wanted them to "be there" as a nation and to enjoy God's bounty. When Moses released his fears and lack of confidence in himself and trusted in God to help him, he proved to be a strong and capable leader.