By Susan Eapen, Bangalore
I went and luckily for me there were quite a few ladies waiting. I asked one girl, I have come for confession, and what I must do. She asked me "Are you from Marthoma? I am too. Just wait till the achen comes and calls." I sat tense and waiting. Soon the Vicar came and he signaled with his hands. Some people went forward and I did too. He gave us housosyo and then sat down to hear confessions. I asked the girl, now what? She said "Wait." When achen called for confession, I stood up, but he ignored me as I had already been absolved. The girl said: "Wait". Suddenly another achen entered and sat down and asked if anyone was waiting, and the girl said "Go". I went and knelt before him. My words came pouring along with tears. I said I respected my GM more than I respected God. I realized that my life lacked everything important. The achen kept questioning me and then, after nearly one hour he asked me to come back after Sandhya Namaskaram. Again he tried to find out why I was so upset. I kept telling him that God was absent in my life. He told me to come again another day, but meanwhile, I must fast. It was Lent. I said that is no problem, I do not mind vegetarian food. He told me you must not eat till lunch time. I said How can I? I have been diagnosed with diabetes and BP and am starting medicines from Monday. He said you must fast. I said I will try but I do not think I can. Next evening I was back. I had a party at the Golf Club and came to church dressed for the party. The achen had discussed me with the Vicar and the Vicar called me and I knelt before him. I realized that they did not understand my panic. (Perhaps it was the mid-life crisis brought about by one's realization of one's finitude-I do not know. But physically, I was not near such a crisis.) Then I used a ploy to get his attention and I told him about my brother and asked him to ask Jesus to save him from destroying himself. He suddenly lost interest in me. He probably thought that something had happened between me and my husband. My husband is the most loving man. The Vicar said, 'Auntie, you forget your brother. There is no use putting fertilizers once the earns of corn have appeared." I was filled with rage and wanted to get out of church, but I waited for the Sandhya Namaskaram and then went to the Party. I abstained from almost every item on the menu as it all contained meats.
My Journey by Susan Eapen: Next | Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7
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