Malankara World


Overcoming Bitterness – Why Feeling of Bitterness is Bad for You

by: Chris J Roberts

At the start of it, every new relationship is perfect. What starts slowly ruining this “perfection” are the people who are within it and the expectations they bring with them. If the partners come into the relationship with an open mind, just enjoying living it day by day and accepting their partners as they are, there would be less breakups. Expectations burden relationships and unknowingly may lead to feelings of resentment, rejection, hurt and bitterness. At this point, one partner will start blaming the other for things not going well.

So let’s assume that your partner hurt you or rejected you. Feelings of frustration and vengeance start filling your mind. Every time you think of him, you feel all the thoughts rushing to your mind all over again. This anger and bitterness is not healthy and should be avoided for the following reasons.

Which one is he? - Potential love partners come into our lives for a number of reasons: it could be to give us a helping hand when we’re going through a difficult time; for us to learn something new; to give us a self esteem boost such that we’ll be able to face the next stage of our journey through life; and finally they could be the permanent partner we have been looking for. Many single people however commit the mistake of thinking that every person they meet is “The One”. In this way they will be burdening the relationship with lots of expectations, even before it has started. This is a perfect recipe for disaster. You should allow the relationship to unfold slowly, and treat these circumstances as experience.

Point that finger at yourself - Feelings of bitterness are very negative and not at all healthy in a relationship. You get into a tendency of blaming the other for your negative feelings and you don’t take responsibility for what’s going on in your life. After all, there are two people in a relationship so both partners are to blame if something goes wrong. Relationships are about sharing, and this includes everything. There is always a reason behind other people’s reactions. Let’s say your man is seeing someone else. Instead of calling him a schmuck and pointing your finger at him, why not look at what made him seek another woman…Is he missing something at home? Why isn’t he seeing you attractive enough? Are you giving him what he needs? Why don’t you do something positive in the relationship and change it for the better yourself instead of waiting for him? Blaming others won’t make the situation any better because partners won’t respond the way you think they will. So instead of focusing on negative thoughts, think about small changes you can make for the better.

Less attractive to others - Bitterness over your partner’s rejection or failure will stop you from moving on and you will find that your mind is stuck in a labyrinth it can’t get out of. You will feel bitter towards every man you meet because of one man’s behavior. Instead of focusing on the negative feelings of bitterness frustration and revenge, you should try and focus on the positive such that you grow as a person. Turn over a new leaf, start afresh, and leave negative feelings behind.

Unhealthy Bitterness - According to studies, bitterness can also have a negative impact on your health. You can become more physically vulnerable and psychologically you feel useless and incompetent. When the more incompetent you feel, the more unhealthy bitterness you become and so on. It’s a vicious circle of negativity. To break this circle and overcome bitterness, you have to think that you are a special person, with loads to offer and reaffirm who you are; control your future and don’t let other people’s actions control it for you.

Getting over the rejection - Finally, negative feelings caused by a past rejection mean that you are still tied to that person in some way. If you want to move on, you should forgive and forget. By forgiving others who hurt you, you also forgive yourself and mentally accept the rejection. After you have overcome the bitterness only now you can encourage more positive feelings in your life, and move on to a healthy relationship you would like.

See Also:

Matrimony to Acrimony or Harmony?
The importance of the choices you make when your marriage ends through which children were born into this world, becomes more apparent as time continues to march forward. Each step takes us down one of two pathways - acrimony or harmony.

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About the Author:

Don't waste any more time crying for your ex; it is important for you to heal your broken heart when the relationship is over. You will never feel the urge to contact him/her, remember the pain or feel unworthy anymore when you visit

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